The Jungle
I had assumed "the Jungle" would be the Kent Hotel's weak new theme for a restaurant that opened around two months ago.
I was anazed at what I found.
This place would put most adventure parks to shame. It's an aircraft hangar-sized room, full of tropical trees and plants, a giant gorilla, leopard print carpets, rock-textured walls, safari huts and lookouts, and a sadly non-functional hollow tree slippery dip.
I'm doing the "churrasco" option. It's a bit confusing, but they'll just keep bringing me feed. There are about 20-30 things I'll be getting.
I thought mischievous monkeys had stolen my phone, but I had actually buried it under leopard print cushions.
This would be a good dinner on its own.
The balls are goats cheese and spinach. The cheese is nice and tangy.
There's a grey ooze on the plate. I have absolutely no idea what it is. I look it up. It's "forest mushroom pâté." It tastes a lot like chocolate mousse. It's bizarre.
Almost everything else in the plate is pickled. It's just too much. I stop eating it.
Another whole meal! Just what I wanted.
I never get around to eating any of this. Will omit it from the score.
The waiter tours the tables, with a giant skewer of meat, and a knife. I have a little pair of tongs, and it's my job to grab the sliver or piece of meat, as it's separated from the skewer.
The strip loin is nice meat, but there's nothing to do with it. The sauces on my "accompaniments" plate are "spicy and watery" and "unrelated green herbs". I think there's jalapeño and mint (or something) in there. Neither help my meat.
The chorizo is a very well-cooked, dry sausage. I dip it in the red sauce, whereupon it simply gets spicier.
I add it to my mounting "food graveyard."
The lamb tastes like lemon, and is so well-done it crumbles like fruit cake in my mouth.
The chicken is much better. Its marinade tastes like vinegar, but this is interesting enough. It's also quite juicy.
A piece of goat is also added to my plate. It has a more complex tangy taste, but I'm full.
The waiter returns to give me a sixth piece of meat. I tell him I'm full, but he insists I take the piece anyway. It's pleasant again, with snother, more subtle, vinegar marinade.
The waiter returns, with another skewer. "This, is the Atlantic salmon," he says, preparing to deploy a golf ball sized piece of salmon to my plate. I insist that I've had enough, and the waiter departs with his salmon.
Never have I been served such a ludicrous amount of food. See the "food graveyard", in the photos below.
A nearby table erupts into "Happy Birthday Daniel", not for me. :(
This is followed by numerous people all over the restaurant emitting a series of surprisingly realistic primate shrieks and hoots.
Do come here to have a drink and see the place. Don't Come here to pay $60 for more food than you could possibly eat.